Goals for 2009

Because it's harder to ignore a goal than a "new year's resolution."

This year, I'm going to get fit (again) and stay fit. Hello there, disturbingly snug wedding dress.

I'm going to learn how to be productive without turning into a big ball of stress. I'll never get rid of all the distractions in the world, so I'm going to have to figure out how to focus.

I'm going to be a better partner.

I'm going to strengthen a few friendships. I don't need to be a better friend to everyone, but I'd like to be better friends with a few people.

Economy Woes

I'm not big on anti-consumerism. I'm a materialist, and I'm pretty unapologetic. But when Ihear the statistics on debt and savings in North America, it makes me worry. And when you read things like this, it makes me wonder if this economic crisis has a silver lining:

"Inside, Kira Carinci, 33, a teacher from Cicero, N.Y., searched for the $80 "Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock" video game and guitar controller bundle for her son but said she is more concerned about money than she was last holiday season. She said she had set aside a certain amount for Christmas spending.

"I don't usually save, so this year is a little different," she said.

That's from an AP report on Black Friday. Not to come down on Ms. Carinci - she may be amazingly frugal, for all I know - but this is a mess. We're moments from officially being in recession, and people are just now considering watching their spending. People trampled a Wal-Mart employee today trying to rush the store as it opened. I hope they enjoyed saving $200 on a big screen TV (that they're probably putting on credit).

I'm pretty good with money compared to most of my peers, but when it comes to debt I'm probably as guilty as most. I have thousands of dollars in student loan debt, along with my share of a car lease and a mortgage. I have multiple credit cards (traditional and retail). I don't spend more than I make, but I don't exactly have a nest egg built up. And I work in an industry, that, let's face it, won't be around if things get a lot worse.

And we all go along, shopping our little hearts out, spending hundreds (or thousands) on Christmas gifts for others, and, increasingly, Christmas gifts for ourselves. The economy surely needs us to spend, but let's start trying to do it responsibly. Let's budget in advance. Let's sleep on purchases, and consider both the short-term and long-term cost. Let's stop buying things we can't afford. Sure, spending is good - but when we're spending money we don't have, we're just perpetuating the problem that got us into this mess. Let's grow up a little.

Regarding the Soul

I've never thought too much about souls. I'm not religious, and without a belief in the afterlife, there's not much point in a soul.

But I don't feel particularly soulless. There are a lot of ways to describe what I'd call "my soul" - personality, ego and id, self awareness, and surely more. But for me, I'll call it my soul.

It's the part of me that's outside the narrative of my life.

If you took someone else - the most perfect method actor - and put them in my life, even with all my memories, all my experiences, and every bit of baggage that comes along with it, they wouldn't be me. I may not be a beautiful and unique snowflake (and thank you, Fight Club, for informing the opinions of many philosophically deprived, cynical young men), but I am quite specifically me. No matter how identical this double would be, how convincing, I would not become her, and she wouldn't become me. We would still be two distinct individuals, and that's where you'll find our souls.

This is functionally quite similar to the religious soul. It's a little bit personality, a little bit sheer existence, and we may differ on where it comes from, but it has the same effect. But at the end of our lives, the similarity ends. Your soul ascends to Heaven, or wherever your beliefs take you. Mine winks out, because I'll be dead. And that's an important difference. For you, the end of life is another stage in a journey. Your body is irrelevant, and your legacy isn't vital, because you still have opportunities to change, grow, and experience. For me, the end of life is the end of me, and while my body is still around (if somewhat less pleasant), I'm not. I'm gone. And what's left of me is my legacy. I'll live on in memory, or in the lives I've affected. And nowhere else.

So if I want to continue beyond my life in any way, I need to affect the world, and the people in it. Or I'll simply be gone.

Worth thinking about, at least.

Cute clothes and good beer. That may not be all to be thankful for, but for now it's good.

That's what I want.

Today I am thankful for: Money, money, money, money!

All of the things that I thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day

Today I am thankful for excellent music. It's cheaper, and better, than therapy.

Today I am thankful for these things:

- finding a job
- K's love
- having friends
- chai tea lattes